#why did this get me fucked up
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Paralympian Hunter Woodhall watching his wife Tara Davis win Olympic gold in long jump
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who is your favorite AA character? 👁️👁️
ziska… I hope capcom brings her back someday
#shes cool as fuck to me bc when I first played jfa I found her really frustrating to deal with#not just as Phoenix but I mean like on a personal level she is challenging because she’s so thorough#and yet I also find it fascinating that she breaks the character she’s built for herself once in a while#i 100% believe that I don’t think she would have caught on to what Phoenix was trying to do while stalling for time with engardes trial#so it’s probably a good thing edgeworth subbed in but she literally busts her ass to bring evidence to court#almost right after having a bullet extracted from her WHICH SHE ALSO PRESENTS AS EVIDENCE. thats metal as fuck ok#especially since she would technically have nothing to do with the case after edgeworth fills in and she still decided to do that anyway#maybe it was blind faith to use that evidence to win since she wasn’t there for most of the trial but still#and even if canon doesn’t give it to me I still firmly believe there’s be at least some chemistry between her and Maya#like especially if you hold it next to wrightworth that works bc there’s already a history there and majority of Phoenix and miles trying#to relearn their relationship is Phoenix coaxing out that side of Miles that he remembers from fourth grade#but with Franmaya it’s something new and they’re basically strangers to each other and one of them almost got the other convicted#and I still think that’s fascinating and it’s a damn shame thay half of the fics I find for them on ao3 is background in wrightworth fic#i did find a good one that touched on Franziska trying to win pearls approval because Pearl does hold a grudge against her#and seeing that trying to live up to perfecting even her personal relationships without getting to know Pearl to even know#why it wasn’t working feels believable when I think abt her as a character yk#myart#my art#doodles#aa#ace attorney#franziska von karma
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Learning that fans hated Applejack and called her "boring" is crazyyy to me because I genuinely, unironically believe AJ's the most complex character in the main six.
Backstory-wise, she was born into a family of famers/blue collar workers who helped found the town she lives in. She grew up a habitual liar until she had the bad habit traumatized outta her. She lost both her parents and was orphaned at a young age, having to step up as her baby sister's mother figure. She's the only person in the main gang who's experienced this level of loss and grief (A Royal Problem reveals that AJ dreams about memories of being held by her parents as a baby). She moved to Manhattan to live with her wealthy family members, only to realize she'll never fit in or be accepted, even amongst her own family. The earlier seasons imply she and her family had money problems too (In The Ticket Master, AJ wants to go to the gala to earn money to buy new farm equipment and afford hip surgery for her grandma).
Personality-wise, she's a total people-pleaser/steamroller (with an occasional savior complex) who places her self worth on her independence and usefulness for other people, causing her to become a complete workaholic. In Applebuck Season, AJ stops taking care of herself because of her obsessive responsibilities for others and becomes completely dysfunctional. In Apple Family Reunion, AJ has a tearful breakdown because in she thinks she dishonored her family and tarnished her reputation as a potential leader –– an expectation and anxiety that's directly tied to her deceased parents, as shown in the episode's ending scene. In The Last Roundup, AJ abandons her family and friends out of shame because believes she failed them by not earning 1st place in a rodeo competition. She completely spirals emotionally when she isn't able to fulfill her duties toward others. Her need to be the best manifests in intense pride and competitiveness when others challenge her. And when her pride's broken, she cowers and physically hides herself.
Moreover, it's strongly implied that AJ has a deep-seated anger. The comics explore her ranting outbursts more. EQG also obviously has AJ yelling at and insulting Rarity in a jealous fit just to hurt her feelings (with a line that I could write a whole dissection on). And I'm certain I read in a post somewhere that in a Gameloft event, AJ's negative traits are listed as anger.
Subtextually, a lot of these flaws and anxieties can be (retroactively) linked to her parents' death, forcing her to grow up too quickly to become the adult/caregiver of the family (especially after her big brother becomes semiverbal). Notice how throughout the series, she's constantly acting as the "mom friend" of the group (despite everything, she manages to be the most emotionally mature of the bunch). Notice how AJ'll switch to a quieter, calmer tone when her friends are panicking and use soothing prompts and questions to talk them through their emotions/problems; something she'd definitely pick up while raising a child. Same with her stoicism and reluctance at crying or releasing emotions (something Pinkie explicitly points out). She also had a childhood relationship with Rara (which, if you were to give a queer reading, could easy be interpreted as her first 'aha' crush), who eventually left her life. (Interestingly enough, AJ also has an angry outburst with Rara for the same exact reasons as with EQG Rarity; jealous, upset that someone else is using and changing her). It's not hard to imagine an AJ with separation anxiety stemming from her mother and childhood friend/crush leaving. I'm also not above reading into AJ's relationship with her little sister (Y'all ever think about how AB never got to know her parents, even though she shares her father's colors and her mother's curly hair?).
AJ's stubbornness is a symptom of growing up too quickly as well. Who else to play with your baby sister when your brother goes nonverbal (not to discount Big Mac's role in raising AB)? Who else to wake up in the middle of the night to care for your crying baby sister when your grandma needs her rest? When you need to be 100% all the time for your family, you tend to become hard-stuck with a sense of moral superiority. You know what's best because you have to be your best because if you're aren't your best, then everything'll inevitably fall apart and it'll be your fault. And if you don't know what's best –– if you've been wrong the whole time –– that means you haven't been your best, which means you've failed the people who rely on you, which means you can't fulfill your role in the family/society, which makes you worthless . We've seen time and time again how this compulsive need to be right for the sake of others becomes self-destructive (Apple Family Reunion, Sound of Silence, all competitions against RD). We've seen in The Last Roundup how, when no longer at her best, AJ would rather remove herself from her community than confront them because she no longer feels of use to them.
But I guess it is kinda weird that AJ has "masculine" traits and isn't interested in men at all. It's totally justified that an aggressively straight, misogynistic male fandom would characterize her as a "boring background character." /s
At the time of writing this, it's 4:46AM.
#mlp#yeah i wrote this last night during insomnia.#yeah i know an embarrassing amount of crap about this kids show#but whatever it's my hyperfixation i'll store as much useless information as i want!!!#i'm gay and neurodivergent i have an excuse#in case you needed more proof that aj's my favorite character#personal#delete later#unless you like this analysis stuff#i get why they didn't reveal aj's parent's death until way later and why they didn't do much with it but i wish they did#cuz narratively there could've been so much material with aj's grief. like. i feel like we gloss over the fact that she lost her#mother and father as a teenager#i tried keeping my personal hcs out of this to keep it unbiased#but i'll put some in the tags#involving rarijack –– i think aj can be (but not always) very self-conscious about her relationship with rarity#anxieties that she's not the right fit or that rarity will move away and leave her some day or that another woman will take her attention#(like in rollercoaster of friendship?? nudge nudge??). basic seperation anxiety stuff#long post#regarding applebloom whenever i think about her and her parents i think about that scene in steven universe where steven looks up at#a portrait of his mother and openly wonders what kind of sack lunches she would've made for him. that episode still fucks me up
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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
Plain-text version:
Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
#hlep#original#mental health#my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need.#the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it#i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support#and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist.#the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28!#a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents.#they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of#huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the#longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong.#and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives.#you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead?#or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of.#no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow.#i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel#i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong.#just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop
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PLEASREE PLEASE SHOW MORE EQUIGAM ART PLEASE!!!!!!
When in doubt — post yaoi art. Or however the saying goes. Perchance.
#doodle#homestuck#gamzee makara#equius zahhak#equigam#thanks for the ask!#and sorry it took so long lol#why the fuck did i decide to ship the two bitches with the akwardest to mash together names possible#and i cant come up with something cute cus people wouldn't know wtf I'm talking about#also i have basically zero imagination#i saw the twitter hs ship pole and that equigam was in it BUT FOR MY OWN GOOD#i decided not to follow it cus i would get insanely tilted lol#apparently it already caused some funny drama so I'm not missing out lmao#anyway I've been preoccupied with Halloween prepping and planing my costume#so wish me luck in making hs horns for the first time lol
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("Always. Continuously. With increasing apprehension, and decreasing hope. I will love you if I never see you again, and I will love you if I see you every Tuesday. I will love you as a corpse loves the beak of the vulture. I will love you no matter what happens to you, and no matter how I discover what happens to you, and no matter what happens to me as I discover this." -- paraphrased from The Beatrice Letters, Lemony Snicket)
#svsss#bingqiu#luo binghe#shen qingqiu#lbh#sqq#i've been working through the series of unfortunate events and somehow that series has paired really nicely with svsss#the themes of cycling violence and what's justified and what isn't and what can possibly be done differently#and how trying to bring love and honour into the midst of it really changes nothing but also changes everything#it's just *chef's kiss*#i don't know how i can quite do my thoughts justice but i've spent the past few weeks quietly going between the two series (and mdzs and tg#as well if we're being honest they all hit similar questions and themes) and just reveling in the pain and ambiguity of it#everything is interconnected and it means you can never know what trauma and pain and necessity has shaped a person#each story goes too far back to ever ever EVER possibly see the full extent of it#at that level even communication itself is nearly impossible.#and because of that it's almost impossible to change anything. beat yourself apart and the outcome is the same#and yet ATTEMPTING to change things ATTEMPTING to do the kind thing the honourable thing is absolutely critical#because while you can change nothing you also have the capacity to change EVERYTHING#aaaaaaah i don't even know what i'm saying#but i read the beatrice letters today and the love letter just. killed me.#(obviously i cherrypicked some lines because it's three pages long but those ones felt right)#''i love you like a corpse loves a vulture's beak'' i just. can't get over that line.#to be completely changed. altered. destroyed. redeemed. purified. desecrated. reduced to nothing yet entirely necessary for another's life.#what a FUCKING line#anyway i was either going to blow up from thinking about it or else i had to exorcise it via art from an entirely different series#i've already done svsss and discworld why not throw a series of unfortunate events into the mix#i'll be honest folks i did not expect svsss to be the mxtx series that would fuck me up the most about the main ship#bingqiu is something else. i don't even know how to begin to approach my feelings on it. impossibility and necessity all at once#bizarre#my art
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HELLO HANTENGU NATION (5 people)
I'VE MADE AN [unofficial] HEIGHT CHART FOR MYSELF
Hantengu: 5"5 (166cm) Sekido: 5"9 (175cm) Karaku: 5"9 (175cm) Urogi: 5"9 (175cm) Aizetsu: 5"9 (174cm) Zohakuten: 5"3 (160cm) Urami: 8"5 (257cm)
[little aftermath under the cut]
they're so annoying. peace is nonexistent... they're the best ever.
#null rot#cw blood#demon slayer amount of blood??#hantengu#hantengu clones#sekido#karaku#urogi#aizetsu#zohakuten#urami#demon slayer#kny#kimetsu no yaiba#FUCK WHY ARE THERE SO MANY OF THEM#DO YOU SEE MY VISION?? THEY'RE SO ANNOYING IN MY MIND BUT ARE SO HOT GUY CODED.........#LIKE SHUT THE FUCK UP PRETTY BOY#EVEN THE OLD ONE. i KNOW HE'S MAKING THE ELDERLY AND GILF HUNTERS ACT UP#OH MY GOD I NEED TO KEEP DRAWING THEY'RE LIKE SO FAMILY TO ME#BRO DO YOU KNOW HOW FAST EVERYTHING IS GOING TO GET FUCKED OVER IF YOU ADD YOURSELF TO THE PICTURE??????#OH MY GOD JUST. JUST GIVE ME A FEW DAYS OF MY FUCK#also ignore how i posted on my 'cleaner' blog. that was a fuck up. ill be posting everything here#ANYWAY MY REASONING FOR MAKING AIZETSU SHORTER BUT A CENTIMETER IS CAUSE I BELIEVE HES THE HANTENGU THAT WAS STILL GROWING + ZO#ALSO APPARENTLY YOU LOSE AN INCH EVERY DECADE AFTER FOURTY??? SO HANTENGU IS TINY.... AND HUNCHED IN MY MIND#AND URAMI IS GARGANTUAN DID YOU EVEN SEE HIM NEXT TO TANJIRO BRO? HANTENGU IS TALLER THAN THAT KID BY AN INCH IM P SURE HES IM THE 8FT RANG#the three caballeros are his at prime time height cause they look like theyd be in their prime yk??#i used a converter for the cm so if something is fucked. no its not. trust me bro
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#asoiaf#a song of ice and fire#valyrianscrolls#i feel like i see people bring up this line all tje time to criticize theon and call him awful but its like.#the most blatant obvious line where he looks in the camera and says Haha My Dad Would Beat Me and Call Me Names. Fathers Do That!#and its like. oh my fucking god i knowww . I KNOW people think hes annoying or a piece of shit and he is atrocious dont get me wrong but#hes literally the most blatant metaphor of how abuse can affect a person into who they are#like no shit sherlock he desperately wants the starks to accept him. his actual dad would fucking beat him and he got taken outta that home#and placed in a new one where like one guy liked him as a friend but everyone else was kinda cold#<- WOAH! a metaphor about the foster care system and the way it affects a person.#like fucking obviously he bends over backward to try to get the approval of his peers or have fatherly approval#What else did you expect. Why do you think he makes all those choices ramsay suggests to him about trying to#get the respect of all of his men. he doesnt want to lose the respect. like.#Okay. Done now thank you#grace post
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the two most important voice lines in all of veilguard. to me.
#illario why are you the easiest boss fight of all time#i beat his ass so hard that second line never triggered for me so i did in fact go back to play and record it a few days ago#waited around to get him to hit me. LMFAO#veilguard spoilers#illario dellamorte#lucanis dellamorte#video#dav#also btw up there is the neve stone skipping one where she realises the venatori's plan#'this worked?' '...maybe. cmon!' <- THE DELIVERY OF THIS HOOOLLLYY FUCK. NEVE DREAM GIRL GALLUS
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Iiyo
(Non gif version)
#dmmd#dramatical murder#my art#dmmd shiroba#Shiroba#Shiroba dmmd#Dramatical murder shiroba#aoba dmmd#I. Don't actually know if shiroba is meant to be aoba the game leaves jt up to speculation but just so this gets seen I'm tagging aoba soz#dmmd aoba#aoba seragaki#Forgive me this is rlly lazy art but very stress relieving#aoba dramatical murder#dramatical murder aoba#digital art#Blablabla tags#WHY DID TUMBLR FUCK MY GIFS QUALITY IN THE ASS WHAT THE HELL
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Alternate timeline where Stanley doesn’t accidentally ruin Ford’s project but he still doesn’t get into Geek Life University bc some kid showed up with a baking soda volcano
#Happens every time I’m telling ya#gravity falls#stanford pines#stanley pines#a tale of two stans#Y’all I just thought of smth fucked up#Remember that baby pic where ford was reaching towards the yellow triangle?#What if bill’s always been there#Cuz perpetual motion machines aren’t scientifically possible (think it’s bc entropy or smth to do w/ thermodynamics)#Ford couldn’t have made one—no one can#Either he was scamming them or (if what I said abt bill above is correct) *he* fucked w/ Ford’s machine to make it weird#Bc ford getting into a top school means he has more opportunities which means a better chance of getting the portal built#And then when Ford starts being like “screw your cipher” bill’s like “oh you think you can just *leave* me; I *made* you sixer!”#“I’m the reason you got into that fancy pants college! You honestly think you could’ve built that machine#We may be a team but I’m the mvp—always have been”#Okay I know it’s far-fetched but what is the gf fandom if not full of far-fetched theories (ain’t even a theory really more like an excuse#for angst and also bc of the fact that Ford invented Physics Breaker 5000 was slwsys a sticking point for me FOR SOME REASON)#Like I truly don’t know why that of all things bothers me#I really did just devolve into fanfic in the tags of a shitpost—oh and ig ford got into west cost in that au/version of events#shitpost
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imma be so real with you I did NOT care for all the cutesy ways they presented Vi and Cait's disbalanced social status in arc 3
#first off the parallel of cait arriving to let vi out of prison. but this time they ~have sex~. IN THE CELL THAT WAS UNJUSTLY HOLDING JINX#bitch why are you invoking THAT REALLY FUCKED UP SCENE right before such a milestone romance scene??? it's not cute??? JINX WAS JUST HERE#then the one thing cait tries to apologize for is MADDIE. GIRL. NO ONE CARES ABOUT MADDIE. WE CARE ABOUT HOW YOU KEPT DEMEANING#AND TORTURING ZAUNITES INCLUDING VI. but that isn't addressed bc vi needs to give her head. speaking of vi#VI WHY ARE YOU GIGGLING LIKE A SCHOOLGIRL YOU ARE IN A PRISON CELL. REMEMBER HOW YOU WASTED 7 YEARS OF YOUR LIFE IN ONE#then the way jinx believes vi should be with cait as an alternative to staying with her simply because she is too fucked up while cait make#vi happy. i am sorry but show me where did jinx see cait makes vi happy. then the show just rolls with that and says ''yeah vi should be#forced to leave jinx behind and choose piltover. this is a happy ending for everyone.''#and finally ''i'm the dirt under your fingernails'' WHAT A DEPRESSING FUCKING FINAL NOTE TO LEAVE YOUR RELATIONSHIP ON.#a zaunite is literal DIRT under a ruling class piltie's fingernails. and it's cute and means they are gonna be together forever. HELLO????#i don't know WHAT that thing is but that thing is NOT MY OTP#arcane liveblog#arcane spoilers#it's like they were planning to write a fucked up tragic romance story. like they were PLANNING to make cait the bad guy. IT IS CRAZY#they weren't let's be clear. but s1 was so deep and yielded to analysis so well. meanwhile if you look any deeper than shallow into s2 you#get interpretations like THIS#''finally a lesbian couple with a happy ending'' YEAH IF YOU IGNORE CLASS. IF YOU IGNORE CLASS BASED OPPRESSION. CMON GUYS WE DESERVE BETTE
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Now THAT’S what I call a wet dream hahahahaaahaaaaahAAAaaahaaaaaaaaAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
I know this is the only part you care about
also I got all the character references from cosmicwhore because they literally the one who got me into these two in the first place
#cookie run#black pearl cookie#captain caviar cookie#black pearl x captain caviar#blacaviar#cookie run kingdom#why did this take me so long#I think this little took me about the same time as that opening to the rightmin comic and that shit was like…also three panels#Will I draw them again? Probably not but you never know.#I can never do a normal background#It’s gotta be off the walls or else you get nothing#What do you say lads? One note for..when the fuck did I start this amount of work?#I’m sorry the last panel looks shit#I kinda fucked up
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Incorrect, the fact that Biden has dropped out and a candidate with history of supporting medicare for all and being more receptive to a ceasefire in the I/P conflict has made me go from "I cannot morally support the Democratic nominee" to "I am voting for the Democratic nominee despite the fact she isn't perfect in every respect." I'm really happy this played out. The Dems for the most part abandoned the old Obama platform and it feels like its possible an actual progressive agenda could come to pass in my lifetime.
Kamala 2024!
If you weren't going to vote Democratic in this election before Biden dropped out you're a dorkass loser who does not care about any of the issues you're yammering about here and also a fundamentally bad person, and I hope you get run over by a bus.
But you got one thing right in all of this gibberish, Kamala 2024.
#personal#answered#anonymous#i mean let's be clear here no president is gonna attempt to be progressive ever again within my lifetime#because joe biden tried to do like 25% of that and got ZERO fucking credit#he did so much on healthcare on reform on loans on so many social issues and for all his litany of failings on i/p#he has been distinctly harsher on netanyahu than a good chunk of dems and certainly the entire republican party#for the first time since i was four we are not involved in any wars as americans and that is thanks to joe biden#but the thing is that he gets no credit for any of it!#him pulling out of afghanistan caused his approvals to tank in a way that never recovered#and leftists gave him FUCK ALL for it#they gave him nothing they just continued whining that even tho he cancelled a bajillion in student loans#he didn't actually cancel a QUADRILLION dollars so both parties are the same and voting is the most arduous task known to man#no democrat who is running is going to forget that catering to leftist/progressive policies gets them zero leeway with those supporters#that it not only tanks numbers but you still get constant haranguing about it anyway#so they're not gonna do it#we are gonna get fuckall for at least a good fifty years#and anything we get will be utterly in SPITE of people like you anon it will happen in spite of everything you've done#mostly because of people like me and mine who understand that voting is the bare minimum#and that for the democratic process to work the way you want it to you need to participate and not pitch a fucking fit#like a four year old who was told they can't go to disney this weekend#like i know you ratfuckers are happy this played out because this is all a game to you and you don't actually care#but that's why i've got zero faith in you people and why i'm glad it's my kind of folks#actual die hard democrats who have always been hardliners for supporting democrats in every possible election#who are picking up the slack and donating to harris and supporting her agenda#which is the exact same as biden's because she's his vice president and they share they same platform#because that's what they were both running on! twice!#anyway fuck you please feel free to find a necktie and test how tall your doorframe is
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HOW ABOUT THAT @somerandomdudelmao DISASTER TWIN REUNION, HUH
Went a little feral to the tune of 2.2K words of self-indulgence. What else is new?
~~~~~~~
Donnie can't sleep. More accurately, he won't sleep. Not until he's done. He'd never been one to leave a project unfinished; death and resurrection hadn't changed that.
He taps incessantly, repetitively, on a keyboard and screen, the motions long since past inputting data and now only serving to keep him awake. The repetition is soothing, easy, and - counterintuitively - he finds his head drooping forward into sleep-
And he snaps back upright. No. Not until he can confirm Leo is okay.
Leo is behind him, he knows. Breathing. In bed. Asleep. Very much alive. And-
He jumps and whips around as a thud sounds behind him. "What the-"
Leo is on the floor.
Well, that answers the question as to whether his twin is awake.
For a fraction of a second, part of him wavers uncertainly. He loves his idiot twin. The question he hasn't been able to answer is whether his reaction to Leo waking up will fall on love or idiot twin-
"Leo!"
He can hear the exasperation in his voice, and yep, it's the latter. He takes a knee next to Leo and hauls him into his arms, lecturing him all the while, and if he can hear the annoyance in his voice then Leo sure as hell can. Sleep deprivation for the purposes of keeping his brother's soul alight had done nothing for his temper. "I swear to God, all you had to do was make a sound! Why are you such a difficult patient?"
He deposits Leo carefully on the bed - "Sit still!" - and checks him over, running every scan he can think of and making sure his brother's new body really is in good working order, spouting increasingly irritated commentary all the while. Of course the fall didn't hurt him - Leo is tougher than that, and Donnie does better work than that - but he still can't help the rising anxiety in his throat.
This almost didn't happen.
"-stupid, stupid selfless idiot!"
Donnie almost couldn't save him.
"Grrhh-"
Leo nearly died for real. Permanently beyond Donnie's reach. Well and truly gone-
"Do you have any idea how close you were to having nothing left to save?"
And now here Leo is, in perfect health, sitting on Donnie's bed with a big dopey grin on his face as Donnie chokes on his anxiety and damn near shakes himself apart-
Oh for fuck's sake.
"Hey. Are you even listening?"
Leo speaks up for the first time since he's woken up, voice shaky from disuse. "D-Donnie?"
And that is not a goddamn answer to anything Donnie has been saying, because of course it isn't. It's Leo. He's always had his own priorities. "Yeah. No. You're not fucking listening." Donnie heaves a long-suffering sigh, sinking back into the routine comfort that irritation at his twin provides. "At least you're talking." Small favors. "Although I'm surprised you're not throwing your stupid jokes at me." Even smaller favors.
He stops short as Leo's hand closes around his wrist, drawing Donnie's arm to Leo's plastron. "You're real," his brother breathes, looking from Donnie's hand to Donnie himself with tears streaming down his face. "You're real!"
And then, in the space of a thought, Leo's joy breaks, his smile turning desperate. "Are you?"
For a moment, Donnie stares at his twin, wondering at the sudden change in expression. He takes a breath-
And the part of him that had lain dormant for so long after he'd woken up - the part of him that had been screaming for his twin's safety ever since they'd recovered the few scattered embers of Leo's soul - gasps to life, blooming like a time-lapse video of a flower and reaching to the edges of Donnie's soul. Leo had called it their twin sense, and Donnie hadn't had it in him to argue after a while. Whatever it is, it's back, connected to Leo's renewed presence, and-
Donnie's heart floods with emotions. Relief and joy sprout quickly and are nearly swept away in a tide of exhaustionanxietyfearfearfearfearFEAR-
But down beneath it all, steady against the rising wall of terror, is the little blue spark of hope that his brother always carried. His core. The thing that let him continue on in the face of insurmountable odds, and lent that same strength to everyone around him. A ninja's greatest weapon.
It's Leo. It's Leo-
And Donnie can't leave him alone in his fear. Not when there's no need for it. Not when they're safe.
He lets that breath out, and sits next to Leo on the bed. "Mhm. I'm alive. And you're alive. We're safe. The Krang are gone." That's all the news that's fit to print, or at least the most important parts. What else does he have to say?
Oh.
"I'm sorry I..uh…"
He's sorry he what? Died? Left a mess for Leo to deal with? Didn't do enough while he was alive to keep everyone else alive in turn after he was gone? Kept his brother's soul in a fucking mug, because that was the only way he could ensure he wouldn't break it while Leo was still fragile? All of the above?
…yeah, it's all of the above.
He owes Leo one hell of an apology, and he's never been good at any of this, so instead he shrugs haplessly and leans forward, pulling Leo into his arms and hanging on tight.
It's a matter of moments before Leo has him flat on his shell on the bed and is sobbing into his arms. Normally he'd hate seeing his twin cry, but it's proof of life - proof that Leo made it, that his soul is intact enough for him to still be Leo, that he's alive and awake and here - and Donnie will take it.
And if he's squeezing Leo back pretty hard himself, well, that's fine too. Nobody else needs to know.
~~~~~~~
Donnie is yelling at him.
Donnie is strong enough to have picked Leo up off the ground, well enough to be on his feet without support, running tests and reading Leo the riot act over his latest boneheaded maneuver - in this case, forgetting he was missing an arm and falling out of bed.
Donnie is yelling at him, because Donnie is here to yell at him.
And Leo is smiling, because he couldn't be happier. He lets the words wash over him, draping over his shoulders like a favorite cozy blanket that he'd lost so many years ago, and he basks in the warmth that is his brother's voice and smiles.
It's enough to interrupt the yelling for a question, though he doesn't really hear it - just keeps smiling, and says Donnie's name, and it's so nice to be able to say it with a smile now, because Donnie is here-
-he is, right? This isn't just a dying hallucination on Leo's part, right?
(It couldn't be- he remembers his death, remembers breathing his last, remembers being trapped- but this-)
He reaches out, taking Donnie's wrist in hand, and pulls his brother closer to him. "You're…real…" It certainly feels real - skin and scales, softer than his own, and his fingers barely fit all the way around the wrist instead of encircling them with room to spare - and he stares down at it, tears rolling down his face as he finally looks back up at his twin. "You're real!"
The Krang show you what you want to see.
The thought strikes him unbidden, turning his joy and relief to ice. It's a well-known fact: a Krang infection can show its host what they want to see, visions of comfort and family and home, and extract intel from the host's reactions. He knows that- he knows that, and-
And he'd died surrounded by Krang- and even if he couldn't see or hear or feel, he knows he'd been held captive-
But it's Donnie- he wants this to be real- he needs this to be real- he wants his twin back so badly he can't think, and the idea that this could be a Krang hallucination is almost too much to bear-
"Are you?" He can hear how choked the words are as they leave his lips, but he needs to know-
And Donnie stops, and sits down next to him, and tells him everything he wants to hear - everything he could've ever wished for. They're alive. They're safe. The Krang are gone. It all sounds too good to be true.
And then Donnie offers him an apology and a sad half-smile, pulling him into a strong hug-
And the ice in Leo's mind shatters in a flood of warmth as his twin sense opens for the first time since Donnie's death. He feels his twin's irritation, and deep-seated exhaustion, and a choking wave of guiltguiltguiltguiltguilt-
And beneath it all, steady and strong as ever, the thrum of unending determination, powered by an unfathomably deep well of love. It's the backbeat to the melody of Leo's life, the point-counterpoint to his own heartbeat- it's something he'd never had to live without until he did, but it's back, rushing in to fill the silence he'd known with the strength to go on and the knowledge that he is loved loved loved, strong and overwhelming and all-encompassing in the way only Donnie can love-
It's something the Krang could never imitate.
This is real. This is all real-
He throws himself against his twin, toppling them both over on the bed as he clings to Donnie, unable to stand even a fraction of an inch of space between them, as though he could push their hearts together through their plastrons, and he cries, sobbing out worry and terror and grief and the slow, crushing exhaustion of a losing battle finally lost. He cries as though the world was ending - and it had, once when the Krang had invaded and again every time he'd lost a member of his family, over and over until he'd sent his last hope through a portal that had cost his littlest brother his life and succumbed to death himself.
And now he's alive. Here, wherever here is, with Donnie. Clinging to his twin, and being held in turn as Donnie gently sits them both up, never letting go as Leo cries himself out.
It takes a while - long enough for Leo's gaze to settle into a stare and his thoughts to settle into a comfortable static. He's alive, Donnie is alive, and he has no fucking idea what else is going on, but he's just going to be okay with that for now.
His thoughts rouse enough to inform him of something wrong - the line of tension Donnie is carrying down his neck and over his shoulders. That won't do. Leo could try to massage it out with one hand, maybe try to get Donnie to talk about it, but Donnie never likes to talk about it, and Leo isn't one for slowly soothing away tension when he can just take an axe to the release valve instead. Plus, it gives him something definite to focus on, instead of…this whole situation. Whatever 'this whole situation' actually is.
Donnie had mentioned his stupid jokes, right?
"H-hey Dee?" His voice wavers from disuse, thick with tears, but he pushes through. "Why did- why did the tree buy a camera?"
"What?" Oh, Donnie is not going to see this coming. Excellent.
"To do a photosynthesis." It's nowhere near the level of pizazz he normally uses for a punchline delivery - he's still too tired and frazzled and clinging to Donnie entirely too hard for that - but that beautiful pause of a terrible joke sinking in tells him it had hit home nonetheless. Donnie moves - he can hear the telltale slap of face meeting palm - and then breaks down into helpless laughter, smacking the back of Leo's shell as the tension Leo had felt in his twin's shoulders abruptly relaxes. Good. It worked.
"This is so fucking stupid," is all Donnie manages as his laughter fades, and he slumps fully against Leo with a murmur. That's...abrupt. Sure, Leo had felt Donnie's exhaustion, but he hadn't realized it'd been that bad. He takes hold of Donnie, gently laying him down on the bed to rest-
Remember what happened last time Donnie fell asleep next to you.
He gasps sharply at the thought - not again NEVER again - and keeps his hand steady as he moves, laying both fingers gently against Donnie's neck and feeling for his pulse. It's easy to find, strong and steady and even, like it had been before the infection had taken Donnie's vitality and then his life.
But he's alive, and healthy, and sleeping. He's okay. And Leo-
Leo moves his hand to the side of his own neck. His pulse is also easy to find, quickened with the adrenaline of an unknown situation and multiple consecutive shocks to his system.
Okay. Take stock. Assess. Figure out a plan from there.
He's alive. Donnie's alive. The Krang are gone. And everything else…is a big fat question mark, with no easy answers and no indication as to where to begin looking for them.
Well.
Uh.
"What the fuck," Leo whispers to the room at large, as though the walls could answer.
~~~~~~~
(A world away and still very close, a younger pair of twins cling to one another the way a drowning man clings to driftwood: desperately, clutching tight, as though letting go will spell their doom. Neither of them know where the emotions came from, or why; all they know is that each of them are damn glad the other is alive, and they'll do everything they can to make sure that continues to be the case.)
(What the fuck, indeed.)
#rottmnt#cass apocalyptic series#future leo#future donnie#fic#writing#cw sibling death#mention of it at least#referencing the scrapped movie storyboards because it's too good a beat to pass up#we have fun here#no gods no betas we die like NOBODY BECAUSE DONNIE FUCKING FIXED IT#I GUESS#twin sense shit is my FUCKING JAM#inexplicable mystic bonds between two halves of a whole? sign me the FUCK up#I couldn't decide whose POV to write this from so I just did both#which is WHY it's 2K+ words#it's not perfect but it's Good Enough and therefore it's getting posted#fuck it we ball
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EDYN TIDESTRIDER, CHALLENGER OF THE UNDERSEA, RIVAL OF THE DEEP. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOUR BROTHER WAS CHOSEN TO BE A WEAPON OF THE GODS? HOW WILL YOU UNDO WHAT THEY HAVE DONE TO HIM?
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#jrwi riptide#edyn tidestrider#cw blood#EDYYYNNNN TTIDESTRIDERRR OHH HOW I LOVE HERRRR#THIS IS A PAGE FULLA REEAALLY OLD DOODLES AND REALLY REALLY OLD DOODELS AND NEW DOODLES. ENJOY.#ONLY CLEANED IT UP A BUNCH TTODAY AND IM ACTUALLY SO SO HAPPY W IT WEEEEE#WHAT WAS IT LIKE? DOWN IN THE UNDERSEA. TO VISIT YOUR BROTHER WHENEVER THE ADULTS WOULD LET YOU#A KID WHO DIDNT UNDERSTAND WHAT WAS GOING ON OR WHY HER BROTHER WAS BEING TAKEN AWAY OR WHY HE KEEPS GETTING HURT#OR WHY THE ADULTS JUST KEEP LETTING IT HAPPEN. ITS FOR THE BEST? FATE OF THE WORLD AND ALL THAT? HEY WHO THE FUCK IS IN CHARGE HERE#HOW DO WE STOP IT. HOW DO I STOP IT. THERES PEOPLE OUT THERE WORKING ON SOMETHING. ARITIFICIAL LEVIATHAN YOU SAY?#WE COULD BUILD A THING TO RIVAL THE GODS. WELL. SIGN ME UP. IM GOING TO UNDO WHAT THEY DID TO YOU#WHAT A FASCINATING THING SHE ACTUALLY SAID. 'IM GOING TO UNDO WHAT THEY DID TO YOU' HELLO?? EDYN? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN#WHAT EXACTLY DID THEY DO TO HIM. OTHER THAN THE PROPHECY TRAINING. YOU CAN UNDO THAT? YOU CAN UNDO ALL THAT? HOW?? HELLO???#LIKE SURE I JUST SPOUTED MY THEORIES I THINK SHE WANTS TO KILL GOD BUT THATS JUSTA THEORY... A GA#WHAT IS EDYNS GOAL AND WHY CANT SHE TELL ANYONE OOUUUHHH EDYNNNN CMERE EDYNN CMERRE STOP WALKING AWAY CMERE. COME HERE.#fuuuuuck shes so mysteriousss what is she HIDING!!shes also so so so so angry i fucken know she is. shes so gentle and so sweet and timid#but she is ANGRY and shes SMART and clearly shes AMBITIOUS bc shes TALKING TO THE FUCKING BIG HEAD HONCHO O THE FUCKEN NNAAAVYYYYY#ALSO WHO IS NICHOLAS. IF THATS EVEN HIS REAL NAME. WHO DID YYYOU MEET EDYN. DO YOU HAVE A WISH TO BE GRANTED EDYN???#CHEWING ON THE BARS O MY CELL I NNNNEEEEED TO KNOW MORE ABOUT EDYN IM SO CURIOUS IMG ONNA KILL PEOPLE#i said once in another post 'the oath an eldest sister takes on is on par w that of a paladins-#-and sometimes upheld w the very same ferocity'. I REALLY LIKED THAT LINE.#pleeese... if u can hear me.. pls join me and draw edyn w unbridled plasmatic rage abt the way her brother was treated by the Elders#also pls draw her SCARY. I NEED HER TO BE SSCARY. PLEEASEE I NEED HER TO BE JUST AS VIOLENT AS GILLION BUT INA ICE COLD WAY#JUST AS VIOLENT JUST AS STRONG JUST AS MUCH OF AN AQUATIC MONSTER. im sure u see the vision.#ok i gotta go t bed now i got work in tha morning n i should nnot be stayin up this late. if u hav thoughts abt edyn pls scream abt em#okay byyyyeee goodniiigihhttttt
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